Circumambulating Through the Mists of Indifference:

Seeing With New Eyes

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.” 1

 

Indifference is like a slowly forming fog that goes unnoticed until, heavy and enshrouded, the thick embankment of its pervasive presence is obscuring our vision and dulling our perceptions.

Miriam Webster defines indifference several ways: “marked by a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern for something : APATHETIC :marked by impartiality : UNBIASED :characterized by lack of active quality : NEUTRAL and not differentiated, capable of development in more than one direction”.

If this experience has to do with a ‘lack of active quality’ and is related to undifferentiated potential, I wonder what is possible by entering into rather than resisting this all-encompassing dullness. I take my inquiry to the forest to walk the labyrinth.

As I cross the parking lot to the path that leads to the labyrinth, a palpable shift is felt in my body. Here in the forest I am at once grounded and expanded. Some invisible, tightly woven membrane begins to soften. There is a sense of relief trickling through my being like life giving waters beginning to seep through the crevices of dry earth.

 

 

The Holy Place in the Middle- Hexagram 15. Humility 1

 

A goldfinch dances between branches of the lilac bush as the sun filters through the window in a ballet of moving shapes upon the hardwood floor. My heart twists through waves of grief, permeating the outer edges of limitation- of holding, desire, and resistance. On the other side I land in new soil emptied, open, and filled with a strange kind of peace.

Loss and grief are entrances to a landscape where all that is false falls away. From tumultuous descent, one is returned to the ground of being- down to earth- deconstructed into the raw elements which comprise the very soil/humus/earth of which we are made and from which we are nourished. Humility equalizes. What is full becomes empty, what is empty becomes full.

Limitation can be experienced as a result of being in a body/mortal/human, something outgrown, something which is not within one’s power to change, or from feelings of separation. Surrender moves us through the permeable membrane of limitation, opening to the vast expanse of the ground upon which it lays. Authenticity is born from the level ground of humility. This is our humanity- the humus/earth from which we all originate, are all connected, and are all equal.

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